This past weekend, I had the privilege of participating in the 38th Annual Hospital Hill 10K run in Kansas City as part of the Alz Stars - Alzheimer's Association Mid America Chapter team. It was one of the biggest challenges of my life and the picture of the medal above says it all. "I conquered the hill." As I prepared for the run, I found myself, as I often do, obsesssing about the details of what I was doing. Water intake, nutrition, timing, etc. and over analyzing everything. I found that the most difficult thing besides the nutrition was fitting in the appropriate training time and finding the distance plus the hills necessary for preparation. What I found out on race day? I'm not sure that I could have prepared myself for what I experienced. I had never run a road race before, I had no idea what to expect and in retrospect I am glad that I had no idea. It was a magical and an emotional point in time for me. I have to say that I did not give myself a lot of time to think about doing the race, I just knew that I wanted to be a part of a team raising awareness and funding for Alzheimer's research because of my experience with my mom. It is funny, as I prepared for this journey mom would ask me, "honey, why would you do this to youself, just stop, you are tired, you are hurting and you are doing too much." (this disease is funny in that you never know what those affected will remember) My response to mom was that I could not do anything else. I am not a doctor, I am not a researcher, I am not in a position where I can make a decision about how decisions are made to fund Alzheimer's research, but what I do know how to do is raise money for causes that I am passionate about and I have been fairly athletic all of my life so I thought, why not me, I can run, just get out there and do it. So I did.
My journey through race day was unlike anything I had experienced before. It was so hot, it was humid and towards the end of the race I could no longer feel my toes or my fingers and my hands were very swollen. In my head I just kept telling myself that it was going to be over soon, that I had the will, the drive and the (as an all familiar former basketball coach from Lawrence used to say) "want to" to finish the race. I was doing it for my mom and her friends at Delmar Gardens who have this disease and by gosh it was not going to beat me.
I had a very funny experience along the way, well two actually. As we were running down or up Gillham, (I am not sure how they could find an entire race that went up hill but it seemed too) on one corner they had a blues band, now, I am very dedicated and particular about my blues and I am very attached to our B3 band, Josh Vowell & the Rumble but as we got closer I kept thinking, these guys are pretty good. I found myself inadvertently slowing, (which in my case would have been slowing to almost a walk at this point as we were a little over 3 miles in) and I kept thinking maybe I should just rest and listen....nah....even B3 at this point was not worth my stopping. It was good though, I have to admit. The second funny event of the day was on the very last, very brutal hill prior to getting to the finish line. As I was making my way up what felt like Mount Everest, I heard this voice that sounded like a former local radio personality who had recently moved to a station in KC and I thought, oh my gosh, I have to make it up this hill, I have to run, I cannot walk as I will never live this down. Then I thought, well he isn't going to recognize me, who would at 5+miles, I'm just a frightful mess....funny how distance, heat, humidity and so forth plays with your mind. As I got to the top and thought I was going to pass out I realized....not our local radio personality at all but I wanted to thank him because the shear fear of being found out by the former Lawrencian kept me pushing up that hill. Thank you Mr. Whoever you are. :)
I was not prepared for how I would feel when I crossed the finish line. I was totally unprepared for the flood of emotion that overtook me. I did it. I was fortunate to have a gentleman whose father is in the same facility as mom volunteer to train me, which was not easy! Mark taught me a lot about preparation and getting to race day and he was there finishing with me at the end. We crossed the line together and as he gave me a high five, I started crying and my first words were, "we did it for mom, for Gwen and for all of the others."
I know that we were not alone, there were thousands of runners raising money for causes close to their hearts and I know that they were feeling the same way. I do have to say though that as much as the day was so personal to me in regard to Alzheimer's and my mom, I had many meaningful experiences outside of running for Alzheimer's. I walked away from the Alz Stars tent and the very next tent was a tent dedicated to children with special needs. Sitting just outside the tent was a little boy in a wheel chair, a very small wheel chair...I smiled at him and he waved and I thought to myself just how special it was to be there at that moment and see that little bitty strap of a boy smiling at me-a stranger. He had no idea that he made my day. I stood between the two tents and I thought about the reality of where I was standing at that moment of time.....between two of my passions.....children and Alzheimer's. To anyone else, that might seem silly but it mattered to me and was very much a pictorial moment of what I have been feeling lately.
For the past 8 months I feel like I run between my two passions, during the day Ballard and my kids and at night my mom and Alzheimer's. Both so very important in my life. I found while I was running that I often thought about how difficult the journey was to get to the point where I could run this race and how difficult the course was turning out to be even though I felt as if I had prepared myself. I thought about the struggles my mom goes through just to get through each day and as I was thinking through these things I kept coming back to Ballard and the families and constituents that we see every day and it kept reminding me of a young woman that I had recently had a conversation with.
I had no idea that this woman knew what I did for work. Perhaps she didn't, maybe she just felt she could talk, I don't know. What I do know is that for some reason she trusted me and she sat down with me and started talking about several different agencies that she had visited seeking assistance. She shared with me that she was enrolled in college, a single mom with three kids, did not receive any type of assistance from the Government, worked double shifts on weekends and through the week worked the night shift so that she could make ends meet. (I knew she worked hard at her job, I personally had withnessed how hard she worked.) She sat there with tears in her eyes and told me that recently one of her children had been injured and she had no health insurance and had been covering bills from her all too meager pay checks and had to go to local organizations seeking assistance. She told me that the first agency told her that she made too much money, that they could not determine "that she really needed the help." The second agency told her that since she had come in last December for food assistance (the first time she had ever done so with any organization) that she wasn't eligible for any further assistance for the next year. (Now, I am not one to doubt but I am familiar with both of these organizations and I fully intended to call and find out exactly what their policies were as this just sounded odd to me. I could not imagine.) She went on to look me directly in the eye and say to me, "do these people not understand that it took everything I had inside of me to get past my own pride and just walk in the door let alone ask for help? Who in their right mind would ever want to abuse a system where you basically have to bare your entire soul to keep your children safe?" Wow....talk about reality check. I know how I feel wanting to ensure that my mom is safe...I cannot imagine if it were my children.
As I ran, I kept thinking about her story and how difficult her trials were and how my minor pain and fighting through the hills identified as the Hospital Hill run were nothing compared to what she dealt with day in and day out. As I made my way up that very last hill I kept thinking about the families that I deal with regularly and the stories that I hear and how they must feel. What I was doing was nothing, it wasn't hard, it was something I CHOSE to do for a purpose but nonetheless something I personally chose. My families, this woman, my mom, they did not get to choose, it was just a situation that was handed to them. I can only imagine that they feel like it will never end, that it just goes on and on forever....like I did in that moment....sigh....but then as I topped that horrid hill, I thought about how much it means to have Ballard and how hard we work to ensure that the challenges faced by those in our community do not go on forever, that we find answers and solutions. We make a difference because others care to "conquer the hill," so to speak, with us.....thank you Lawrence and Douglas County. We and those around us need your help and you do make a difference each and every day.
Now, ...someday soon I hope I get my feet back so I can turn around and run again...you got it, I'm hooked. ;) love you mom....
Thank goodness you are there to help level out the hills and can help the less fortunate pick themselves up, cross the line and put the tough road behind them. Nice lesson for us all Dianne.
Thank you!!
Posted by: Brad V. | 06/08/2011 at 02:54 PM