Yesterday I was asked to write a submission about why I have recently decided to run in the June 4th Hospital Hill Run for Alzheimer's with my own team, TeamAllie@DelmarGardens of OP. Just the mere request of this written submission sort of overwhelmed me a bit and I couldn't figure out why. I mean, the subject is easy, the swirling thoughts about all I could say is relevant...so.....Ensminger, what is the problem? Well, it is because it is so personal, because the description of my devotion to that tiny little lady goes beyond most descriptive words, it just exists. How do I describe the motivating force behind adding another layer to my already beyond hectic schedule, how do I describe having watched my mother do the same for me when I was a kid and how that never failed to resonate with me, even at a very early age? I still have not begun to write about it....it is just too close to the heart right now.
As I have been pulling thoughts together and formulating a plan for the piece I have been thinking a lot about how what I want to write about correlates to the families that we deal with at Ballard. I have been somewhat shocked at the similarities actually. When I think about running a half marathon for Alzheimer's and the time and effort it will take me to get my booty into shape, (and yes, I did say booty because since beginning to run in earnest that is what hurts the most after training) I think about the families that we see and how they feel about their children and the lengths to which they will go to keep them safe. I think about the number of jobs that they work in some cases, the sacrifices that they make on a regular basis for their children, the fear of the unknown that they experience when the world that they know changes (and it does quite frequently) and how much they take it upon themselves to fix everything without asking for help. How confusing it often is for them when something new creeps up that they hadn't anticipated. Sigh....I recognize it all. The exhaustion that they feel because they have to deal with so much, very often by themselves as single parents. The elation that I see on their faces when their children succeed in our classrooms or they find that we can help them. The relief that there is someone there with them. I see in their eyes the determination that they will not, under any circumstances let their station in life beat them.
All of these things remind me of why I am going to run for my mom - actually it is much bigger than that - I am running in honor of my mom. In honor of all that she did for me as a child, the sacrifices, the passion with which she parented me, the wonderful teaching moments that she truly used to make a difference in my life. However, I run for a much bigger reason as well, I am running because I want to do something, anything, that I can to help find a cure for this horrific disease. I am running because I am afraid for my family, fearful of the unknown and what will come next. I am running because I do not ever want to look back and see that I did not do enough to help my mother and those families members who are most likely going to be diagnosed with the same disease. I run because each day I never know what I will encounter with this disease, I run because most days I cannot see the woman that raised me in the person she has become. I am running because I watch those giving care at mom's facility dealing with different stages of the disease, different temperaments and different levels of anger from the patients and they take care of these people because they care so much, certainly not for the pay...much the same as the people who I work with. Mostly, I run because I am afraid....afraid of what is next and not even knowing where to start. This disease, much like living in poverty, is living at times in a constant state of flux and in the unknown. It is never knowing where you will be day to day, what will come up in your life today simply because the disease and poverty are ever changing, one issue after another. I keep asking myself if one ever becomes numb to it and I think about all of the families that I have encountered over the past 23 years and I realize that it is difficult to become numb to a constant change. I run because I want to beat IT, I won't let IT beat me or mom, not without a fight....the same feelings that I see in the families of Ballard.
So....have I come to any conclusions about the piece that I am writing? Nope, not yet, but I do think that there is a moral to the story here and I have thought about it a lot. It seems to me that no matter where we are in life, whether we are in the very best place that we have ever been, whether we are struggling financially or emotionally or have had some huge issue that has taken over our lives, or whether we find ourselves thrust into being that child caring for a parent, or whether we live in poverty, we all need something...we all need someone or a group of someones looking out for us, reaching for us before we fall, catching us when we do, offering encouraging words and doing what those who care do, in general....giving our all to whatever it is that calls us and is our passion....I guess that says it all, my mom is my passion, her disease...my nemesis and I will run until I cannot run anymore to help find a cure. That is just what we do when we love....
On a much lighter note! St. Pat's day was the birthday of my mother's new found bff, Miss Betty. Betty turned 93 or in her words 39 and holding someone just transposed the numbers...gotta love that. We told Betty that she was our little leprechaun, our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and she truly is.
Miss Betty on her 93rd Birthday
On another, funny note, apparently, Delmar serves alcohol every Friday for Happy Hour and on special
occasions...(my mother does not partake - or so they tell me although on St. Patrick's Day they had green beer and she wouldn't let me smell her breath...not gonna think about it) the supplier of this alcohol? Ensminger Liquors just up the street from Delmar...no relation although everyone asks. Some nights when I leave Delmar I wish I owned the place! Kidding mom....love you.....
