Ballard Community Services

Memories in the Making....

It has been twelve Decembers since I arrived at Ballard and it never ceases to amaze me just how incredible it is to be part of such a wonderful organization; the people, the sights, the sounds, the clients, the children...all of it is just so special.  It probably gets really old that I keep saying the same thing over and over, but seriously all of these years later I still love what I do and it is very difficult to convey just how much of an impact Ballard makes in the community and how special it is to sit back and watch it all unfold. 

Last year, I held my breath wondering if we would make our goal of $100,000 in 30 days and we surpassed it by so much that I was afraid to tell our Board that I was willing to increase my original goal by that much for this year.  :)  (I was so humbled by the outpouring of support)

Last January, we held our annual Board Retreat to set goals for our Board and staff for the year, I am always so proud and amazed by the work that our volunteer board does for us each year. They set goals, reached them and went beyond.  I am thankful to be part of such a great group of people and to say that I work for them.  Thank you Ballard Board.

In September, I watched volunteers, sponsors, donors, staff, barbecuers, brewers and musicians come together to make the 2nd Annual Ballard B3 a reality and a huge success.  What an event we had.  You can check out our second annual event at www.ballardb3.org.  Thank you to our sponsors and donors, we could not have done it without all of you.  A special thank you to our staff for working so hard over a four day period!  I really do appreciate everything!

On Thanksgiving, I was blessed with watching trucks and volunteers arrive at Ballard and deliver pre-made Thanksgiving meals and then the opportunity to watch staff and volunteers provide the meals to those who needed them.  My favorite part was delivering a meal to our neighbors, both who are blind and another neighbor, a Senior who is always taking care of everyone else and forgetting herself.  Talk about walking away and feeling like you just won the lottery, those hugs and words were priceless.   

Last week I watched as clients filled our hallways completing applications and hoping to be adopted,

Last week I received our copy of the Lawrence Business Magazine and Ballard had a feature in it....love to tell our story...  http://www.lawrencebusinessmagazine.com/

The day after, I watched while gifts came through the door from donors who gave from their hearts,

On Saturday, I had the privilege of having the most beautiful date to a Holiday party in honor of her...my wish is to have many more.....On Sunday, it was my honor to serve as her daughter and attend her 90th Birthday party....love you mom.....

On Tuesday, I had the distinct pleasure of hosting our first Holiday Appreciation gathering for sponsors and donors.  It was a magical night made even more special by City Wine Market and La Parilla.  Our building looked beautiful.  Thank you boys for working so hard to help me get it decorated and thank you to our staff for helping that evening.  We've never had live string musicians perform in our building before! 

Yesterday and today, I watched donors walk though our doors delivering gifts and I cannot stop thinking how lucky I am to live in Lawrence, Kansas. 

Tomorrow, I will participate with the Douglas County Sheriff's Office, the Lawrence Police Department, the Kansas State Highway Patrol and the KU Office of Public Safety in the first year of Operation T.O.Y.S. (Take Our Youth Shopping).  Forty Ballard children will go to McDonalds for breakfast and then to Wal-Mart where they will shop with the officers.  Thank you Hallmark and McDonalds for funding this entire outing and thank you First Student for transporting our children.  I am so humbled by the generosity and the outpouring of interest in our children. 

The day after, I will be thankful as I am every day to have the opportunity to serve such an amazing organization and the opportunity to love the children, families and staff that grace my presence.  Every day I count my blessings, every day, I thank those who hired me for giving me the chance to be at a place this special. 

Every minute, of every day, I am thankful for you, our donors, our supporters and our staff who give so much to taking care of others, paying it forward and making a difference.  If I could give you one present this year it would be the opportunity to see the looks of gratitude on the faces of those who need us. 

Bless you and yours this holiday season.  Have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year.

 

 

 

Questions......

On a regular basis I am asked about what we do; is it hard to do; has the economy had an impact upon our work and/or our fundraising ability?  Are we seeing different people?  Are there routinely people who “abuse” our services?  Etc. etc.  I think a lot about my answers prior to giving them and I think about them a lot after I leave the conversation.  I do so because each and every one of the questions asked are important to me.  They make me realize what people think about in regard to our work, our customers and our economic environment, particularly now. 

First of all, yes, this work is very hard to do.  This work is not for everyone.  It is always sad for me to see people go to work in the non-profit field and although they are great people, they believe that this work is all fun and easy.  They come in thinking that there is not a lot of “real” work that goes on and that it is all only the good stuff.  Although working in this field, particularly at Ballard sounds like very rewarding work (and believe me it is, it is not a job to me and I love the work immensely) the reality is that it is very hard work.  It is hard in many aspects, hard because you have very few people doing the majority of the work.  Sadly, funders do not want to provide money for administrative costs of organizations and unfortunately, in order to be an effective business – for profit or non-profit– you need good leaders.  You need leaders who can effectively run all aspects of your business and ensure that the work being completed is done so in a cost effective, productive manner.  If you could imagine owning a business where you sell a product and you are told that in order to get paid, you cannot use any of the profit you make to actually run your company.  That is what non profits face every day and challenges us to find good talent in a variety of ways.

Secondly, yes, absolutely the economy has an impact upon what we do and in many different ways.  First and foremost our customers change.  Our early education families change, their financial situations change, the number of people that we see increases drastically and the types of situations facing families change.  Particularly during this economic crisis, those who have been teetering on the edge of middle class are falling into an abyss at a staggering rate.  We see greater numbers of people who would never have envisioned themselves asking for help coming through the door needing assistance.  In a three month period of time we experienced a 40% increase in requests for assistance.  When I am asked if it is getting any better, it always surprises people to learn that there is a “lag” in our work in regard to the economy.  A lag in the number of people we see needing assistance in the beginning of an economic crisis and an even bigger lag when the economy improves as it takes about a year and a half for people to get back on their feet again.  In this particular instance, people have been experiencing so much for so long that I am not at all certain when we will begin to see a decline.

In the aspect of fundraising, we have been very fortunate for the past few years that our donors understand the needs that we have and understand that people really, truly need help.  However, in regard to other funding, we haven’t been so fortunate.  Funding gets cut at the state and/or Federal level and our funds get cut. States determine that non profits need to carry the burden so they shift the focus to non profits requesting that we provide more services without the funding to actually provide the services.  Add the funding changes to the funding cuts and throw in other funding sources deciding that they need  to change their objectives and their focus regarding  who and what they fund and you have the “perfect  storm” in the non-profit world.   All of these changes although singular in nature are occurring at the same time and during a time when all non-profits are facing higher degrees of needs from those that they serve.  That, however, is another aspect of non-profit work that is different from the for profit world.  We are used to movement – a sort of ebb and flow if you will – in regard to how we operate.  We are used to finding ways to bring together people and resources to meet the needs of others and so each day is a new challenge and tests the skills of those fortunate enough to work in the field. 

As far as the question about “abusers of our services and repeat customers,” I tend to look at this issue a bit differently.  First of all, I do not feel that it is my place to judge someone else’s status in life.  I cannot make the call that simply due to the fact that they return that they are in fact “abusing” the system.  However, even more than my own personal thoughts, my firm and fast rule is this:  If we are doing our job and we are seeking understanding of those who are requesting  our services, if we are truly invested in understanding what their situation is and how they came to need us, then perhaps we can help them identify why they may need our assistance more than once.  If all we are is a handout, then yes, perhaps we will have repeat customers, if we are truly making a difference, meeting our mission, identifying problems and becoming part of the solution, then no, we will not have those who “abuse” the system.  Besides that, I have rarely met anyone who WANTS to have to walk into a building and tell another that you cannot feed your children….that is devastating to anyone.

I guess my bottom line would be that the work is amazing, the impact is great and the day to day interactions with many different types of people mean the world to me and keep me coming back for more.  Rarely do I think that one has the opportunity to be with children they love, meet new, interesting people, donors and customers and get to envision how to help make lives better.  It is not for everyone but after 23 years…..it is for me….thank you Lawrence for making it a great place to do good work.

A lil’ peek at our 2^nd annual Ballard B3 – blues, brews & barbecue….for more pictures check out our website, www.ballardb3.org. 

A Little Smokin' Hot Blues courtesy of Josh Vowell & the Rumble

If you want to help us help others, you can visit our Ballard website, www.ballardcenter.org  there is a Donate now button on the left hand side of the home page.  You can also follow us on Facebook, Ballard Community Services or on twitter, BallardCS. 

Challenges

 

This past weekend, I had the privilege of participating in the 38th Annual Hospital Hill 10K run in Kansas City as part of the Alz Stars - Alzheimer's Association Mid America Chapter team.  It was one of the biggest challenges of my life and the picture of the medal above says it all.  "I conquered the hill."  As I prepared for the run, I found myself, as I often do, obsesssing about the details of what I was doing.  Water intake, nutrition, timing, etc. and over analyzing everything.  I found that the most difficult thing besides the nutrition was fitting in the appropriate training time and finding the distance plus the hills necessary for preparation.  What I found out on race day?  I'm not sure that I could have prepared myself for what I experienced.  I had never run a road race before, I had no idea what to expect and in retrospect I am glad that I had no idea.  It was a magical and an emotional point in time for me.  I have to say that I did not give myself a lot of time to think about doing the race, I just knew that I wanted to be a part of a team raising awareness and funding for Alzheimer's research because of my experience with my mom.  It is funny, as I prepared for this journey mom would ask me, "honey, why would you do this to youself, just stop, you are tired, you are hurting and you are doing too much."  (this disease is funny in that you never know what those affected will remember) My response to mom was that I could not do anything else.  I am not a doctor, I am not a researcher, I am not in a position where I can make a decision about how decisions are made to fund Alzheimer's research, but what I do know how to do is raise money for causes that I am passionate about and I have been fairly athletic all of my life so I thought, why not me, I can run, just get out there and do it.  So I did.   

My journey through race day was unlike anything I had experienced before.  It was so hot, it was humid and towards the end of the race I could no longer feel my toes or my fingers and my hands were very swollen.  In my head I just kept telling myself that it was going to be over soon, that I had the will, the drive and the (as an all familiar former basketball coach from Lawrence used to say) "want to" to finish the race.  I was doing it for my mom and her friends at Delmar Gardens who have this disease and by gosh it was not going to beat me. 

I had a very funny experience along the way, well two actually.  As we were running down or up Gillham, (I am not sure how they could find an entire race that went up hill but it seemed too) on one corner they had a blues band, now, I am very dedicated and particular about my blues and I am very attached to our B3 band, Josh Vowell & the Rumble but as we got closer I kept thinking, these guys are pretty good.  I found myself inadvertently slowing, (which in my case would have been slowing to almost a walk at this point as we were a little over 3 miles in) and I kept thinking maybe I should just rest and listen....nah....even B3 at this point was not worth my stopping.  It was good though, I have to admit.  The second funny event of the day was on the very last, very brutal hill prior to getting to the finish line.  As I was making my way up what felt like Mount Everest, I heard this voice that sounded like a former local radio personality who had recently moved to a station in KC and I thought, oh my gosh, I have to make it up this hill, I have to run, I cannot walk as I will never live this down.  Then I thought, well he isn't going to recognize me, who would at 5+miles, I'm just a frightful mess....funny how distance, heat, humidity and so forth plays with your mind.  As I got to the top and thought I was going to pass out I realized....not our local radio personality at all but I wanted to thank him because the shear fear of being found out by the former Lawrencian kept me pushing up that hill.  Thank you Mr. Whoever you are.  :) 

I was not prepared for how I would feel when I crossed the finish line.  I was totally unprepared for the flood of emotion that overtook me.  I did it.  I was fortunate to have a gentleman whose father is in the same facility as mom volunteer to train me, which was not easy!  Mark taught me a lot about preparation and getting to race day and he was there finishing with me at the end.  We crossed the line together and as he gave me a high five, I started crying and my first words were, "we did it for mom, for Gwen and for all of the others." 

I know that we were not alone, there were thousands of runners raising money for causes close to their hearts and I know that they were feeling the same way. I do have to say though that as much as the day was so personal to me in regard to Alzheimer's and my mom, I had many meaningful experiences outside of running for Alzheimer's.  I walked away from the Alz Stars tent and the very next tent was a tent dedicated to children with special needs.  Sitting just outside the tent was a little boy in a wheel chair, a very small wheel chair...I smiled at him and he waved and I thought to myself just how special it was to be there at that moment and see that little bitty strap of a boy smiling at me-a stranger.  He had no idea that he made my day.  I stood between the two tents and I thought about the reality of where I was standing at that moment of time.....between two of my passions.....children and Alzheimer's.   To anyone else, that might seem silly but it mattered to me and was very much a pictorial moment of what I have been feeling lately. 

For the past 8 months I feel like I run between my two passions, during the day Ballard and my kids and at night my mom and Alzheimer's.  Both so very important in my life.   I found while I was running that I often thought about how difficult the journey was to get to the point where I could run this race and how difficult the course was turning out to be even though I felt as if I had prepared myself.  I thought about the struggles my mom goes through just to get through each day and as I was thinking through these things I kept coming back to Ballard and the families and constituents that we see every day and it kept reminding me of a young woman that I had recently had a conversation with.

I had no idea that this woman knew what I did for work.  Perhaps she didn't, maybe she just felt she could talk, I don't know.  What I do know is that for some reason she trusted me and she sat down with me and started talking about several different agencies that she had visited seeking assistance.  She shared with me that she was enrolled in college, a single mom with three kids, did not receive any type of assistance from the Government, worked double shifts on weekends and through the week worked the night shift so that she could make ends meet.  (I knew she worked hard at her job, I personally had withnessed how hard she worked.)  She sat there with tears in her eyes and told me that recently one of her children had been injured and she had no health insurance and had been covering bills from her all too meager pay checks and had to go to local organizations seeking assistance.  She told me that the first agency told her that she made too much money, that they could not determine "that she really needed the help."  The second agency told her that since she had come in last December for food assistance (the first time she had ever done so with any organization) that she wasn't eligible for any further assistance for the next year.  (Now, I am not one to doubt but I am familiar with both of these organizations and I fully intended to call and find out exactly what their policies were as this just sounded odd to me.  I could not imagine.)  She went on to look me directly in the eye and say to me, "do these people not understand that it took everything I had inside of me to get past my own pride and just walk in the door let alone ask for help?  Who in their right mind would ever want to abuse a system where you basically have to bare your entire soul to keep your children safe?"  Wow....talk about reality check.  I know how I feel wanting to ensure that my mom is safe...I cannot imagine if it were my children.

As I ran, I kept thinking about her story and how difficult her trials were and how my minor pain and fighting through the hills identified as the Hospital Hill run were nothing compared to what she dealt with day in and day out.  As I made my way up that very last hill I kept thinking about the families that I deal with regularly and the stories that I hear and how they must feel.  What I was doing was nothing, it wasn't hard, it was something I CHOSE to do for a purpose but nonetheless something I personally chose.  My families, this woman, my mom, they did not get to choose, it was just a situation that was handed to them.  I can only imagine that they feel like it will never end, that it just goes on and on forever....like I did in that moment....sigh....but then as I topped that horrid hill, I thought about  how much it means to have Ballard and how hard we work to ensure that the challenges faced by those in our community do not go on forever, that we find answers and solutions.  We make a difference because others care to "conquer the hill," so to speak, with us.....thank you Lawrence and Douglas County.  We and those around us need your help and you do make a difference each and every day. 

Now, ...someday soon I hope I get my feet back so I can turn around and run again...you got it,  I'm hooked. ;)  love you mom....

 

Present in the Moment.....Take Two

I have had a couple of those really intense Ballard days where I always come away having been touched  deeply.  The first was last Friday. Target employees, fifteen of them, decended upon Ballard and our Mount Hope site to work.  When I say work, I mean these guys absolutely worked fast and furious and did so much general maintenance work in a few hours for our organization that I was speechless.  They came bearing supplies, stamina, people and smiles and it was heartwarming.  I tried to go and take pictures and in some instances it was difficult because they were all over the place!  We had volunteers painting our little red train, power spraying the toddler playground equipment, cleaning weeds out of the chain link fence, cementing rocks in the front of the building, planting grass seed, you name it, they were all over it.  They were all so pleasant and seemed genuinely happy to be here.  It was one of those moments when you feel a debt of gratitude beyond words. I left on Friday afternoon in awe of all that they had done.  We even had some volunteers that had been up all night working at Target and yet they came to Ballard to make a difference for us and our children.  Thank you Target for being so supportive and reaching out to us, you made a very big difference at Ballard Community Services on Friday, May 6th.....you have amazing workers at your Lawrence facility and we are very, very grateful.  Our children love their bright red train all freshly painted!

    Thank you Target Volunteers!

The second experience that I had involved spending an evening with an incredible group of individuals who spend years of their lives participating in an organization that gives back in many different ways to communities all over the world, the Masonic Lodge.  I spent Monday evening, May 9th, with Masonic Lodge #6 in Lawrence.  It was their annual awards ceremony.  It was fascinating to see a gentleman honored for 65 years of service to the Mason's, two gentleman for 50 years of service and another who entered the "Diamond" philanthropic level for his donations to the Masonic Foundation.  As I sat and listened to each of their stories I was touched and moved that there is an organization, rich with history and ceremony, who motivates not only their members to belong for 65, 50, 40, 20 years and so on down the line, but GENERATIONS of families who also participate for the same periods of time. 

As I sat there waiting to be called for our presentation, I kept looking around the room and I couldn't help but wonder what would happen to organizations like this one?  Will they survive in the face of the digital age, in a time where personal meetings and gatherings really do not exist anymore.  In this day and age, where we tend to gather via Facebook,Twitter and social media sites?  What will happen to the personal stories of serving in a World War and being wisked off by other Masonic brothers to talk about the organization they belong too?  What will happen to the stories of those who sponsored their sons for membership, of the Mounted Horse Patrol and the other parade units of the Masonic Lodge?  It made me a bit sad actually to think that future generations may never know about volunteering and participating for 65, 50, or 40 years of their lives to a cause they truly believe in. 

I watched these gentleman receiving their certificates and their pins and I felt guilty for not being present in the moment as I was yet again analyzing a situation instead of just enjoying the process; the beauty of the pomp and circumstance of the ritual  they were performing.  It is quite something.  As I watched the "Grand Master" talking with the dapper gentleman receiving his 65 year pin, I heard personal questions about experiences with the Mason's dating back to the 1940's. I watched this man stand a bit straighter, heard him answer with Masonic and Military pride and in that moment I realized that the only reason I had the priviledge of being at that place, in that moment, was because of the Masonic philosophy of engaging in community philanthropic work and their decision to choose Ballard to receive a sizeable donation.  I was humbled and I was honored to represent BCS.  As the local lodge Master talked about why they were giving and why they had chosen Ballard, I once again felt blessed to be part of an organization that is recognized as making a difference in our community, to be  part of an organization that continuously benefits from the hard work and generosity of others. 

I came away without a picture (although they promised to send me one which I will post here upon receipt - assuming that I did not break the camera that is!)  but I did walk away with incredible memories of my evening spent with the Masonic Lodge #6 of Lawrence, Kansas.  Thank you gentleman.  You have made a very big difference in the lives of children and families and on one very humbled Ballard Director. 

 
 
 
 

Has This Much Time Really Elapsed? My How Time Flies....

This morning while driving to work I kept trying to remember what it felt like twelve years ago to drive across Lawrence to my first day on the job as the new director of Elizabeth B. Ballard Community Center, Inc.  It was not hard to remember as it just feels like yesterday.  As I entered today, I thought about how different it is to be here now rather than back then.  I remember how nervous I was in 1999 - I had worked the weekend prior with my board members to "clean" up the facility and put in shelving in the food pantry.  I remembered how I stayed up all night the night before to make chocolate chip cookies for all of the staff and how I was hit the very first day with the reality of what I had chosen to do.  It was so difficult back then and yet, in some ways, so much easier. 

There are some days that I miss the simplicity of "getting" to drive a truck from Topeka to Lawrence and deliver food; spend the early morning hours in a classroom with four year olds and stock the food pantry with donated food.  My friend Hank Booth likes to tell the story about arriving at Ballard to speak with me about early childhood education services and finding me cooking in the kitchen....all I've got to say about that is those poor, poor children....uuugh my cooking leaves a lot to be desired.  I wonder where I would have been back then had I not had my mom to help me develop menu's and figure out how to record the nutrition in each meal...bless you mom, that was WAY over my head! I remember mom laughing at me as I tried to fix banana bread for 58 kids and was missing an ingredient...have you EVER been able to bounce YOUR banana bread off of a counter...well, mine did, just like one of those old fashioned "super" balls.  Goodness that was funny and no, I did not feed that to the children! 

Times they sure have changed and we have changed, a lot.  I have been so very blessed to work with many board members who have come to be good friends and staff who I miss very much.  During last month's St. Patrick's Day parade, I realized just how long I've been here when as we worked the crowd handing out Save the Date Cards for our Ballard B3, I had parents and children who used to go to Ballard give me hugs and call out my name.   To see the children that used to give me sticky kisses and call me Nan standing tall as teenagers just blew me away.  I feel so very lucky to have been a part of their lives.  I do not believe that the myriad of Senior Citizens, families, clients and children know how much they have touched me and how special that they have been in my life.  I had no idea twelve years ago that I would fall in love with a place and with the people and be allowed to live out a vision for an organization that captured my heart.  It sounds so simplistic to say that I have been blessed....but I  have been more than I can describe most times.....I will always be thankful for this opportunity. 

Many things have changed in my life over the past twelve years, some good and some not so good but in retrospect, coming to Lawrence has been the best thing that ever happened to me. There are some people who have known me the entire time that I have been here who would laugh at that statement - the ultimate Missouri farm girl loving living in Lawrence...it is very true my friend...I'm converted. :) 

It strikes me as interesting in the scheme of life that after twelve years, I still have a clear vision for Ballard, now called Ballard Community Services.  I thought long ago that I would do what I have always done, come into the organization, put together the vision of the Board and change the organization (hopefully for the better) and leave within seven years.   Hmmmm, well now, seems like that idea went out the window a while ago.  I have thought about that plan a lot over the past few years and what I came to realize is that our vision is not finished yet and that makes it hard to walk away from something you want to see succeed.  My wish is that within the next year our biggest, most exciting vision for Ballard will come true - the Petey Cerf Early Education Center for Children & Families.  Goodness knows we have all been working on it long enough!  :)

So, as I prepare for my 144th Board of Directors meeting for Ballard Community Services being held this afternoon, I will just say this, Lawrence is very, very lucky to have an organization like Ballard and Ballard is lucky to have the amazing staff and the leadership of a Board who is above and beyond the best that there is. I am lucky to have Ballard in my life, the donors, the Board members, the children, our staff and to live in the city of Lawrence, Kansas.  To all of my friends who are truly my family, thank you for welcoming me, to my Board of Directors - it is an honor to serve you as the director of BCS and to my staff - it is a privilege to walk through the doors of Ballard every day and see you working hard on behalf of our children and families.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart......love you Ballard....

A glimpse of the past:

  

Ian - "I love you to the moon and back - top and bottom." 
I miss you little man.....

Why I Run.....

Yesterday I was asked to write a submission about why I have recently decided to run in the June 4th Hospital Hill Run for Alzheimer's with my own team, TeamAllie@DelmarGardens of OP.   Just the mere request of this written submission sort of overwhelmed me a bit and I couldn't figure out why.  I mean, the subject is easy, the swirling thoughts about all I could say is relevant...so.....Ensminger, what is the problem?  Well, it is because it is so personal, because the description of my devotion to that tiny little lady goes beyond most descriptive words, it just exists.  How do I describe the motivating force behind adding another layer to my already beyond hectic schedule, how do I describe having watched my mother do the same for me when I was a kid and how that never failed to resonate with me, even at a very early age?  I still have not begun to write about it....it is just too close to the heart right now. 

As I have been pulling thoughts together and formulating a plan for the piece I have been thinking a lot about how what I want to write about correlates to the families that we deal with at Ballard.  I have been somewhat shocked at the similarities actually.  When I think about running a half marathon for Alzheimer's and the time and effort it will take me to get my booty into shape, (and yes, I did say booty because since beginning to run in earnest that is what hurts the most after training) I think about the families that we see and how they feel about their children and the lengths to which they will go to keep them safe.  I think about the number of jobs that they work in some cases, the sacrifices that they make on a regular basis for their children, the fear of the unknown that they experience when the world that they know changes (and it does quite frequently) and how much they take it upon themselves to fix everything without asking for help.  How confusing it often is for them when something new creeps up that they hadn't anticipated.  Sigh....I recognize it all.  The exhaustion that they feel because they have to deal with so much, very often by themselves as single parents.  The elation that I see on their faces when their children succeed in our classrooms or they find that we can help them.  The relief that there is someone there with them.  I see in their eyes the determination that they will not, under any circumstances let their station in life beat them. 

All of these things remind me of why I am going to run for my mom - actually it is much bigger than that - I am running in honor of my mom.  In honor of all that she did for me as a child, the sacrifices, the passion with which she parented me, the wonderful teaching moments that she truly used to make a difference in my life.  However, I run for a much bigger reason as well, I am running because I want to do something, anything, that I can to help find a cure for this horrific disease.  I am running because I am afraid for my family, fearful of the unknown and what will come next.  I am running because I do not ever want to look back and see that I did not do enough to help my mother and those families members who are most likely going to be diagnosed with the same disease.  I run because each day I never know what I will encounter with this disease, I run because most days I cannot see the woman that raised me in the person she has become.  I am running because I watch those giving care at mom's facility dealing with different stages of the disease, different temperaments and different levels of anger from the patients and they take care of these people because they care so much, certainly not for the pay...much the same as the people who I work with. Mostly, I run because I am afraid....afraid of what is next and not even knowing where to start.  This disease, much like living in poverty, is living at times in a constant state of flux and in the unknown.  It is never knowing where you will be day to day, what will come up in your life today simply because the disease and poverty are ever changing, one issue after another.  I keep asking myself if one ever becomes numb to it and I think about all of the families that I have encountered over the past 23 years and I realize that it is difficult to become numb to a constant change.  I run because I want to beat IT, I won't let IT beat me or mom, not without a fight....the same feelings that I see in the families of Ballard. 

So....have I come to any conclusions about the piece that I am writing?  Nope, not yet, but I do think that there is a moral to the story here and I have thought about it a lot.  It seems to me that no matter where we are in life, whether we are in the very best place that we have ever been, whether we are struggling financially or emotionally or have had some huge issue that has taken over our lives, or whether we find ourselves thrust into being that child caring for a parent, or whether we live in poverty, we all need something...we all need someone or a group of someones looking out for us, reaching for us before we fall, catching us when we do, offering encouraging words and doing what those who care do, in general....giving our all to whatever it is that calls us and is our passion....I guess that says it all, my mom is my passion, her disease...my nemesis and I will run until I cannot run anymore to help find a cure.  That is just what we do when we love....

On a much lighter note!  St. Pat's day was the birthday of my mother's new found bff, Miss Betty.  Betty turned 93 or in her words 39 and holding someone just transposed the numbers...gotta love that.  We told Betty that she was our little leprechaun, our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and she truly is. 

 
Miss Betty on her 93rd Birthday

On another, funny note, apparently, Delmar serves alcohol every Friday for Happy Hour and on special 
occasions...(my mother does not partake - or so they tell me although on St. Patrick's Day they had green beer and she wouldn't let me smell her breath...not gonna think about it) the supplier of this alcohol?  Ensminger Liquors just up the street from Delmar...no relation although everyone asks. Some nights when I leave Delmar I wish I owned the place!  Kidding mom....love you.....

 

What made you smile today? Or what did you do that made you feel good?

We are working so hard on our 2011 Ballard B3 - blues, brews & barbecue and we have just welcomed our second Festival Level Sponsor! Thank you Stevens & Brand, LLC! We love you!!!!!

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In The Moment...

This past Monday night I had the incredible experience of speaking with the First United Methodist Women's group in Lawrence.  Rarely these days do I have the opportunity to get out and speak to local organizations and I went into this particular speaking engagement unsure of what was going to happen.  I have often spoken to groups at churches and we are very fortunate to have the opportunity to partner with local church groups in many aspects of our work, but my time with large groups in one setting is limited.  So going into this opportunity was daunting on one hand and on another I was sad because I was missing a night with my mom.  I knew that this group has a very special affinity for children and that they wanted me to talk about the work that we do with a very special population of children, but as usual, I had no idea how touched and humbled that I would be by my experience on Vermont and 10th Street. 

When I arrived, I noticed first the Powerpoint slides flipping quietly on two screens at the front of the room, I noticed the people arriving (and it was so cute...not only were women there, but they brought their husbands as well) and I noticed the fellowship occuring all around the room.  As I stood there talking to those around me, I listened to their stories of involvement in the Church and I was surprised that one of my very favorite United Way volunteers who I had recently had the good fortune to spend a morning with at Capital Federal Bank speaking about United Way, was one of the busiest Church volunteers as well.   She shared with me her experience with our Holiday Bureau program and how their pastor upon finding out at the end of our Holiday program that we had 70 families left to be adopted "found" $4,000 for gift cards to help us....just because she described the need and asked for help.  I was humbled and sad that I had no idea that they were the one's that helped us finish our project. 

As I stood there and watched the volunteer hand out name tags with our logo and put placecards on the tables again with our logo on them and others decorate the tables so beautifully while an entirely different group placed food on a table and others volunteers put out punch and cups and talked to me about low attendance due to a KU basketball game, I wondered in my head if I was up for this challenge, did I prepare enough to meet their expectations, they certainly had prepared everything to make this a night about kids; my goodness, I needed to talk about my kids....and I wanted terribly to do them justice, I wanted to honor my children and to honor these women who obviously went out of their way for me and for Ballard.  It did not stop, it all just kept kept going.  I sat at a table and looked at the program and found out that one of our long time volunteers, a VERY special "young" lady who comes every Tuesday to pack food bags for our food pantry without fail, was to give the devotional.  The back of the program stated, "in honor of the children who look to us to provide them with essential life skills to lead them...." and a list of songs I sang as a child in church to be sung during the program.  How did I get here...on a Monday night, why did this special group choose me?  As I sat there touched beyond words I wondered if I had it in me anymore....

I was  asked to lead the food line with my hostess and to sit and listen to those at the table speak about their children but as I listened, I sat and I watched the Powerpoints as they rolled through the giving that this Church and this group provides in the community; Health Care Access, Willow Domestic Violence Center, Lawrence Community Shelter, Headquarters Counseling, clothing, toys, rummage sales, and on and on and on....a true "community" support effort by real community members and I was among them.  As the program started, I listened to the President give a prayer that included me and the words that I was to provide to their group, I listened to a leader speak about a book and tape program provided to women in prison so that they could record books for their children's birthdays where they could only read the book and wish their child Happy Birthday but no other personal message....I listened to our Ballard volunteer give a devotional that touched me to the point of bringing me to tears....it was a message I needed at just that moment; in that place...and I kept saying to myself, "Ensminger, you have got to pull it together, now...this is your job, you are here for a reason, suck it up, NOW!"  Thank goodness for all the songs prior to my scheduled program, let me tell you, it gave me time to pause, to say my own prayer and to get myself back to the root of who I am and why I live in Lawrence, Kansas - sorry KU fans- basketball did not bring me here...your children did. 

I walked up to that podium I had no agenda, no schedule and no rehearsed speech, I just felt emotion, all the way to my core...seriously, I felt the joy, the love and the beauty of that room in that moment and I knew that I was there for a reason.  I was there to tell my children's story, to share with this group that yes, Ballard is about kids, but what TRULY makes us special is the added component of strengthening families, helping them pull together all of the pieces that have fallen apart through, in most cases, no fault of their own.  I was there to tell them about Petey Cerf and her vision of meeting the needs of children through teaching them and helping their families...and for the first time in a VERY long time, I was able to talk about D.J. the wonderful little four year old homeless girl who keeps me going at Ballard simply because she told me she wasn't afraid, hungry, tired or scared when she was with us, at Ballard, and because her family is just one of the very many success stories of families who prevail with our help to build a better life for their children so they can succeed.  I saw tears in the audience, I saw joy, I even managed to make them laugh at times, but more than that....I saw genuine, true, heartfelt appreciation for our Lawrence "community" and in that moment...I knew why I was there.  When I finished and I was talking to those in the room, I felt in my heart and in my gut that I had been brought there for reasons that I did not understand - wasn't supposed to understand- but it was right, it was real and it was where I NEEDED to be.  It was the right experience, in the right moment and in just the right way....it was simply...a gift.  Thank you to all who made that night a very special experience for me and for Ballard....I will never forget my Monday night at Vermont and 10th Street with the First United Methodist Women's group, as I shared with you when I ended my program....You have made a very big difference in ways that you do not even know.....God bless you all....love you mom....

 

Topics.....Yep, That's What I Said....Topics

Boring huh?  Wonder why I chose Topics?  Thought not... :)  Just kidding.  I chose the title because as I was trying to determine the focus of this blog my mind went in many directions and so many things about Ballard kept coming to the forefront of my mind.  I couldn't just whittle it down to one composed specific topic...so I pluraled it.  :)  In all seriousness, on any given day, there are so many things happening at Ballard that I wish I could share but haven't figured out a way to adequately communicate everything. I know I spend a lot of time talking about how grateful I am and how important this work is to me and I truly mean that, but there are reasons why Ballard is what it is and why we do what we do. 

First Topic - Santa Chef. I received the sweetest email from my favorite "Santa Chef" about the work that his crew of elves do each year for the family that they adopt.  He explained to me how it goes beyond just his work fixing a meal, that it really is about the Free State staff, the regular customers and all of those that come together to provide the entire adopted family with a plethora of Holiday items, clothing, toys, household items and so forth.  He is completely right, I only get to experience being Santa that day for the food delivery ....but I do remember, I remember our staff talking about what an amazing job that the Free State Brewery group had done for their family, I remember being in the home and seeing the mountain of gifts piled around the tree.....I got so caught up in the moment that I forgot about the prior moments....I failed to realize that yes, this mother was overwhelmed by the food, but she had already been overwhelmed with the generosity of gifts and the outpouring of love that these wonderful people had provided for her...so, I have to say a huge thank you to the kind and loving staff and regular customers of Free State Brewery, you have no idea what a difference that you made in the lives of others this holiday season.  The family appreciated absolutely everything that you did for them.  They were overwhelmed with emotion and deep gratitude and I can say with a great deal of certainty, because I saw it in her eyes and I heard it in her voice....you have made such a difference that this family, at some point in time when they get back on their feet, will pay it forward....because of what you did and the impact that you made upon them....that is the ultimate Holiday blessing.  Thank you....very special "Santa Chef" and elves.  I'm ready for next year.  :)

Petey Cerf Center for Children & Families:  This week was a big week for us, we finally got the approval from the City necessary to move forward with our "little" project.  Thank you City Commissioners.  I have to say, I do not really understand all of these processes and I am trying to learn all of the steps as it is fascinating to me but boy is it all over my head.  I try and fake like I get it, but it becomes apparent pretty quickly....I've decided it is just in my own best interest to leave it to the professionals, quit faking understanding and ask really dumb questions anyway....I'm really good at that.  ;) 

What I really want to get at with this post in regard to our Cerf project is the value add behind this project to the community of Lawrence and the investment to this city that this property will be - notice I said "to" this city, not "by" this city.  I say this because I consistently get questions about why we - a non profit (keep in mind, we are a non profit, not a charity) would go to such lengths to build a facility like this for "our" children.  The foremost question that I get is wow, that's pretty extravagant, are you sure you want to do that?  Well, let me try and explain the rationale behind this.  First of all, "our" children or anyone elses children deserve to have facilities that are amazing learning environments, doesn't matter what economic strata they come from, they deserve to have a great place to be a child and learn through exploration.  So that is one reason.  The second reason is because we believe that it will be easier to fund a facility that has never been tried before, I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but there are foundations that look for projects that are not only good for children, particularly low income children, but that are cutting edge projects.  So why not cutting edge....in Lawrence, Kansas....for low income children....by Ballard Community Services? 

That is not the only reason why I have dedicated the past 11 years to this project. I have done so because of my love for Ballard.  You might say, what?  What are you talking about, how does that correlate?  Well it's like this.  Every good leader knows that there will come a time when it will be their time to turn over the reigns to someone new.  Well, when you love something as much as I love Ballard, that's a bit hard to think about, but I have to and the one thing that I want to ensure more than anything is that this magical place will continue.  That there will be funding streams that will provide an avenue for the next Leadership of Ballard to take over without worrying about what type of fundraising to do in the next year.  It is about stability, it is about meeting a need, it is about diversification and this project provides all of that. 

Monday night I was told that it takes someone "like me" to get a facility like this built, someone with a dream to see it through and be willing to do what it takes to turn it into reality.  Translation?  Someone that is stubborn enough to keep plowing forward in light of obstacles like floods and insurance issues and any number of other things we have encountered with this project.  Yes, I am that incredibly stubborn person that just will not give up, that is true.  Ask my current Board Chair.  :)  I also firmly believe that there will be that one person, somewhere that gets it and understands why it is a very good thing and why it can be a building that can lead the way for other non profit early education programs and why Ballard is the perfect fit to see this through.  We have an amazing team of architects and a construction manager, all of whom are excited to get this going and are waiting on me to raise the money.  We had a really good start to that this past December.  Thank you to all of our donors who helped us get those tax credits out the door.  It truly made a very big difference and started us on our way.

Last But Not Least -Random Thoughts:  As I was driving home from visiting with mom last night I thought about how to end this post.  I thought yet again about the endless topics that have come and gone through my thoughts this past week and all that we encountered and there truly is no way to cohesively put it all together, it is just random happenings that make an impact.  Such as:

Two year olds:  how lucky am I that in any given point in the day I can walk by a room filled with the most beautiful children and just take a moment to stop and watch?  Watch them playing with a tub filled with snow...seeing their wonder at watching it melt...how long has it been since I felt that way?

New Year/New Board/First Meeting:  How does one describe the trepidation of meeting with new board members for the first time and knowing that you have an opportunity to engage the best and brightest minds to further the mission of your organization?  Each year I get to do that and watch as they help us make decisions that affect thousands of people and children.  What an amazing experience.

Reflection: Each January I get to compile numbers for the past year and not only am I geeky enough to check trends and statistics, but I also get to finally see the number of people that we have helped...this little organization in Lawrence, Kansas helped 33,359 people and provided more than 1.7 million services in 2010, mostly due to donated funds...what a humbling feeling that is.  In addition to that, each year we set a fund-raising goal, (my board thinks that I am crazy to ask for it to be set consistently higher than the year before :) I LOVE a challenge! ) In 2010, we doubled what we did last year....man do I love the sound of that...my personal best, I cannot ask for more than that. 

And....yesterday, I posted on Twitter (good grief cannot even believe that I Tweet - thank you much younger staff) and I said #wishididntwearmyheartonmysleeve.  Well, I received a lot of comments about that post and in all honesty, I posted that Tweet for many reasons.   I was sitting in a dining room filled with people that I have come to love next to the love of my life, my mom.  As I sat there watching them eat, I thought about who was missing, mom's friend, Norman, and how much I missed him and how many more we would say goodbye to because this facility is really about reaching the end of life...my heart hurt with the prospect.  I thought about the children and families that we serve and those that we cannot serve, I thought about the children that go home to a less than warm home in these chilling temperatures and my heart hurt.  I thought about change and how as in every organization change occurs and people move on and that not everyone is going to have the passion for what we do even though they are very good at it.  It made my heart hurt having just had to say goodbye to a wonderful staff member.  I thought about my own personal life and the changes that I know I must make but do not want to.  I thought about how I wish that there was a way for people to step back when dealing with others and look at their heart and realize what an amazing opportunity that they are given to get to know and be with someone that could potentially be the gift they never dreamed was coming.  It hurts my heart to think that in this world where we have come to expect rapid change we do not take the time to see every person as the gift that they could potentially be to us and we are forced to say goodbye.....that perhaps makes my heart hurt the most.  Thank you mom for instilling in me the gift of seeing beyond a persons pain, grief, past hurt and the baggage they carry with them so that I wish to become like you; a person who truly only wishes to be a gift to others.  love you mom....

 

 

And Another Year Begins.....Hello 2011.

It just seems like yesterday that I was writing about the end of 2010.  Seriously, this year went by at the speed of light.  Last year I was lamenting how difficult my year had been and as I re-read that post I realized how negative I felt at that time and how that presented itself in my post.  I have to say that although this year has flown by and I have had greater difficulties and trials in my life than ever before, I find that I am in a much different place. So, no New Years resolutions for me, nope....just counting my many blessings. 

Perhaps I am in a different place because we are once again at the end of December and as always, this community has reached out to us and helped us meet and surpass our fundraising goals in a very big way and perhaps it is because each and every year I witness the "magic" that is our holiday bureau adopt a family program and how this year more than ever we needed assistance to help those in our community that are less fortunate and this community reached out to our families and ensured that we were able to help 2,500 people with a holiday meal and presents for their children.  Perhaps it was my Christmas Day Santa delivery made possible by Free State Brewery and Rick Martin their Executive Chef. 

I described in a short Facebook post just how it felt to have the opportunity to go to Rick's house on Christmas morning and walk into his kitchen and see an array of food that was incredible and stand there with him while he described the joy he and his wonderful elves  (including a pastry chef who made an apple pie from scratch-from trees in her own back yard) had in preparing what they now call their "holiday tradition."  I heard this man standing there in front of me telling me about his joy in sharing the gift that he was blessed with - his craft of being a chef and a love of cooking.  Then I was able to arrive at the home of a veritable stranger and deliver a holiday meal the likes of which filled the trunk of my car.  The woman answering the door and her grandson came out to help me and were overwhelmed with the amount of food provided.  As is typical in this business, at Ballard, I got the "I'm sorry I had to ask, normally I would not have.....I am unemployed.....it is the first time in 30 years that I have not cooked my own dinner for our family. This little, big brown eyed woman immediately took me to the wall and pointed out every person that lived in this home; the people who would enjoy this meal.  She named them all for me and told me how much each person meant to her, how they were different each from another and how each made a difference in others lives.  Then her young grandson gave me a big hug and she said....he is such a loving boy.  She turned to me and with tears rolling down her cheeks she said....I am worried that there is someone out there who needs this more..... I left that house on Christmas Day - 2010 - crying my eyes out.  I had to come to the Ballard parking lot just to compose myself from the experience of the true meaning of Christmas.  I wondered to myself...do either of those people, Rick and his group, or this lady know what a Christmas gift they had just given to me?  I seriously doubt that they do, but you see, that is the "magic" of Ballard.  Every day there are miraculous moments of joy. 

It is difficult to explain to people why this place has it's own character, why the children and families mean so much to me, why our donors always put me in a place where I am humbled beyond words.  As I sat last Friday night, some of it with my mom in Overland Park and some at home later, I thought back over the year and the many different situations that I had encountered personally and with Ballard and realized just what a blessed life that I have the opportunity to live.....

I have been given the opportunity to get up each day and do something that I love beyond reason.
I have been given the opportunity to spend every day with my mother after her horrific accident and enjoy her in a way that I never would have had the opportunity to.
I have been given the opportunity to look into the faces of little children every day and see their parents smiles when they arrive to pick them up knowing the each day we make a difference in a life of their child.
I have been given the opportunity to work with donors who understand how much the donation that they give means to our organization and to our children and families.
I have been given the opportunity to work with amazing people who give of themselves and help us succeed. 
I have been given the opportunity to work with volunteers who work tirelessly to ensure we provided even more services than ever. 
I have been given the opportunity to use my vision and work on a new project that has never been done before, to work with a group of professional architects and construction managers whose vision matched my own and the opportunity to bring this 11 year dream into reality.
I have been given the opportunity to live a life that is rich beyond measure with very good friends, new acquaintances and old friends reappearing in different ways in my life. 
and last, but not least,
I have been given the privilege to serve this community for 13 years in April....it truly is a privilege to serve others in Lawrence, what a very special place....this is a privilege that I will never take for granted. 

Happy New Year to one and all, thank you for truly making a difference and helping us help others, you have touched many throughout the past year, including me....love you mom.....
 
Mom's 89th Birthday - December 12, 2010